Welcome to Syfy Schlock!, a recurring column devoted to those infamous movies hailing from “The Most Dangerous Night on Television”. Indeed, I’m reliving Syfy née the Sci Fi Channel’s bygone weekend programming, which included some of the most dubiously made creature-features, supernatural slashers, and disaster movies to ever grace the small screen. And if you have even an iota of nostalgia for that now-obsolete age of reckless, low-tier entertainment as I do, then you’ve come to the right place.
For St. Patrick’s Day, I wanted to look at Syfy’s stabs at Irish Horror, but there was not a lot to choose from. And I certainly wasn’t going to write about the annual Leprechaun marathon; those aren’t even Originals. Then I remembered: The network did shoot some Originals in Ireland, including one from my previous post. Unlike Ferocious Planet, though, Roadkill (2011) doesn’t pass its Irish locale off as somewhere in America. No, to my surprise, the bloodbath in store actually takes place on the Emerald Isle.
Shot in Wicklow, Ireland, Roadkill has an advantage over most, if not all, Syfy movies; the vistas add some beauty and class to this production. In looks alone, this may very well be the best shot installment in the Maneater Series.
For those not in the know, RHI Entertainment (now Halcyon Studios) and Syfy teamed up to produce and air almost thirty TV-movies about — what else? — killer creatures. By and large the Maneater collaborations featured natural monsters, such as tigers, bears and crocodiles, but the longer the series became, more magical beasts were used. Case in point: Roadkill’s Roc.
You might assume the Roc is an Irish monster, but you’d also be wrong. And in all fairness, Roadkill doesn’t claim it to be one either; a character mentions the Roc is a creature from “The Adventures of Sinbad,” although what he — or, really, the writer — meant to say was the Roc is in a One Thousand and One Nights story featuring Sinbad the Sailor. Coincidentally, there was a ’90s TV show called The Adventures of Sinbad. Whether or not a Roc or a giant bird of some kind appeared in that, I do not know. Nevertheless, the Roc is a Middle Eastern myth, and the one in Roadkill is possibly one as well. Its full name of Simuroc in the movie is, from what I gather, a play on the Simurgh, a bird from Persian mythology. Funnily enough, the Simurgh is considered to be benevolent.
With the mythology lesson out of the way, we can now focus on Roadkill, a movie in the vein of Stan Winston’s Pumpkinhead, except now with the hit-and-runners beleaguered by Irish backwoods killers and a giant monster bird. A fatal accident at a tourist trap drives this movie into its slasher section, but unlike in Pumpkinhead, the perpetrators of the roadside death in question aren’t exactly innocent. Kate (Kacey Clark) and her friends steal a medallion from a snarky swindler (Ned Dennehy), run over a clairvoyant kook, and finally become bird feed for the Roc.
Roadkill picks up the pace early on, but once the Roc does appear — the lousy CGI does it no favors — the movie starts to drag its talons. The nature of the kills, usually with the bird swooping down to snatch its prey and then kill them off screen, gets repetitive. The hicks’ menace is also bordering on fangless, minus a decent jump-scare kill involving a gunshot to the gut. However, as boring as the chase gets, at least the movie doesn’t skimp on the blood. Even the aired version maintained a decent amount of the gory carnage.
If Roadkill does any one thing well, it would be the death order. Mind you, this is one of those “everyone dies” sort of movies, but director Johannes Roberts — yes, the director of the 47 Meters Down franchise and the The Strangers sequel — subverts things by killing off the characters most likely to live. Who ends up as the last person standing is a small shock. Roadkill then taking the time to add in a semi-sincere deathbed speech is more shocking but also appreciated. So often, these movies make no time to talk about all the dying.
In a comparative context, Roadkill is an attractive outing boosted by the natural scenery. Its story feels enjoyably urgent, takes place over the course of one day, and operates in broad daylight. Pacing suffers on occasion, and the Irish and British actors struggle with American accents, but still and all, this movie is far more watchable than others in the Maneater Series. You can really see Johannes Roberts’ potential for high-concept creature horror here.
While I said I wouldn’t cover the Leprechaun series here, I didn’t say I wouldn’t write about Leprechaun’s Revenge (2012). Not to be confused with Leprechaun Returns, this bona fide Syfy Original reverted to its original title, Red Clover, on home media. Considering this flick aired on St. Patrick’s Day back then, and no one associates the color red with clovers, then the name change made sense.
There have been a few Originals about “chosen ones”, including Darklight (2004) and Red: Werewolf Hunter (2010). The former might be the most out-there of those mentioned, yet Leprechaun’s Revenge/Red Clover has a demonic leprechaun (or a lúchorpáin). No, this villain isn’t a wee greenie-meanie who wields a shillelagh and speaks with a cute brogue. The movie gets points for reimagining the Irish icon as a gnarled monster. Even its reemergence in the modern world — in a forest, the creature crawls its way out of the ground — is a touch creepy and nicely shot. Sad to say, that’s the last time Leprechaun’s Revenge impressed me, at least in a positive way.
Courtney Halverson, who is best known as one of the loathsome teen cyber-bullies in Unfriended, is this movie’s demon slayer. Karen is no Buffy Summers, yet as anticipated, the task of vanquishing evil falls into her lap. Luckily, Karen has help from her grandpa (William Devane), and in time, also her reluctant father and the sheriff (Billy Zane) of Keening, Massachusetts. Which, by the way, was the site of a massacre, and the culprit, the leprechaun, was sealed off in another another dimension via spellbook.
While I have liked my share of “normal person turned monster fighter” stories, Leprechaun’s Revenge is too by-the-numbers and too crudely put together. Yeah, it’s Syfy, so I should know better. But after the leprechaun is freed from its earthly slumber, this movie goes through the motions — the characters’ deaths have as much as impact as a sneeze — until the inevitable showdown. And once Halverson’s character is pitted against her fated foe, that sudden spark of energy in the movie comes much too late.
Leprechaun’s Revenge is light on CGI and favors an actor in a suit — that I liked. It’s also worth mentioning that the hapless romantic interest is played by Dave Davis, who, after putting in his time in this and other Syfy Originals, went on to star in a pretty great indie-horror darling called The Vigil. It’s a great chaser after this swill. Meanwhile, the director, Anthony C. Ferrante, is now responsible for the Sharknado franchise. I might be alone when I say this, but I would gladly take Leprechaun’s Revenge over any of those movies. Speaking for myself, mediocrity is easier to stomach when it’s unintentional.
Stay tuned for more Syfy.
Tales from the Paulside 
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