Welcome to Syfy Schlock!, a recurring column devoted to those infamous movies hailing from “The Most Dangerous Night on Television”. Indeed, I’m reliving Syfy née the Sci Fi Channel’s bygone weekend programming, which included some of the most dubiously made creature-features, supernatural slashers, and disaster movies to ever grace the small screen. And if you have even an iota of nostalgia for that now-obsolete age of reckless, low-tier entertainment as I do, then you’ve come to the right place.
Unlike other genres, horror never requires a reason to be scary and unusual. So there’s really no need for a Halloween setting to justify the existence of ghosts, monsters and the like. Nevertheless, these four movies use the holiday backdrop to enhance their atmosphere, among other things.
First we have Goblin (2010), a Halloween movie that doesn’t remotely look Halloweenish, but there’s a good reason why. It’s also a clever way to keep production costs low and skimp on the seasonal decorations. In a town cursed by a witch long ago, Halloween essentially doesn’t exist now; the area’s businesses all shut down on October 31st. Mind you, this is done out of fear, not observance. That ol’ witch made sure this backwater would never be home to a Spirit Halloween.
One family new to town soon realizes they should have moved in on November 1st. Nikki (Tracy Spiridakos), her father (Gil Bellows), her stepmother (Camille Sullivan), and her baby stepbrother learn about an important local custom the hard way, once a robed goblin comes around, hunting for little ones. The residents were safe so long as no one was reproducing.
Because shooting at night, or at least faking it, is costly for a typical Syfy movie, Goblin largely takes place in the daytime. However, there’s also a sense of urgency that goes with the “cursed day” concept. Once the characters are put on the namesake’s menu, there’s no downtime. And although the monster is hidden underneath a hooded robe most of the time, the choice not only helps keep you from becoming desensitized to its presence, you avoid having to look at the inevitably crummy CGI.
Jeffery Scott Lando’s Goblin is, in spite of its rote structure, less merciful than more commercial horrors out there. The body count here is high and diverse, which comes as no surprise if you watch enough Syfy stuff. What I also appreciate is how Goblin doesn’t spare the gory details when someone is offed. Both physical and emotional pain aren’t glossed over, and that’s important to show, even in a movie like this.
Grave Halloween (2013) was Syfy and director Steven R. Monroe’s attempt at J-Horror. It truly stands out among the channel’s originals, and not just because it’s about Japan and ghosts. This was “grief horror” before that term had become widely used as well as overused in the 2010s. Indeed, there’s no cutting out the requisite hacking and slashing, but in the same story is an emotional undercurrent not always available in Syfy’s movie offerings.
Nowadays, Aokigahara, or the Sea of Trees, doesn’t get brought up often in Western media. That’s understandable, given how the place’s reputation has to do with suicide. The West, however, did have a minor fascination with “The Suicide Forest,” based on movies like The Sea of Trees (2015) and The Forest (2016). Interestingly, Grave Halloween beat those two to the punch, although it’s no less uneven.
In Grave Halloween, a student studying abroad in Japan, a Japanese American named Maiko (Kaitlyn Leeb), visits Aokigahara to find her mother. Of course, her mother died after taking her life in said forest. What Maiko hopes to do now, though, is perform segaki, a ritual to help restless spirits move on. And tagging along are Maiko’s friends and classmates, some of whom pull a Jake Paul and then get their asses handed to them by yūrei.
For obvious reasons, Grave Halloween was shot in Canada, yet the Canadian forest shares similarities with Aokigahara. And apart from some terribly spoken Japanese and unfortunate cases of faked “Engrish,” the movie strives for immersion and, on occasion, beauty. Sadly, the movie never quite comes together. Maiko’s journey is interrupted by vulgar displays of violence that feel out of place. And ultimately, there’s no catharsis for either the protagonist or the audience.
Sheldon Wilson’s The Hollow (2015) is proof that some ideas don’t warrant a whole movie. This tale about a cursed Halloween has some potential, yet it becomes worse the longer it goes on. Here we have three down-on-their-luck sisters (Stephanie Hunt, Sarah Dugdale, Alisha Newton) who have no choice but to move in with their aunt on Shelter Island. What the aunt (Hilary Jardine) forgot to mention, however, is the fact that stormy Halloweens equal terror and death.
If the weather acts up on Halloween, then an evil creature comes out and kills. It happened before, and it’s happening again on Shelter Island. As cool as that sounds, though, the execution simply can’t keep up. I won’t lie and say the monster isn’t great-looking; it’s a crawly, skeleton-shaped mass of dark and gnarled tree roots lit up like a jack-o’-lantern. Sadly, the vehicle containing this nightmarish monstrosity is near intolerable.
On one hand, The Hollow is grim and decently shot, especially when the characters are running for their lives in the bleak woods. The problem with this movie is its one-noted story that relies too much on its creature. The human characters don’t ever feel real or like they’ve lived a life before this, and the emotional spectrum ranges from depressed to distraught. Adding insult to injury, the kills become as repetitive as they are dull. You’re tuckered out before the third act, if you even get that far.
Like other mediocre, overlong horror movies, The Hollow would have operated better as an episode of an anthology. Why Syfy never got into the business of themed anthology movies, I don’t know. Still, brevity would have done wonders for a story that wears out its welcome sooner than later and squanders its own well-designed monster.
The best of the bunch here, Nick Simon’s Truth or Dare (2017), tends to get lost in the horror shuffle, on account of its generic title and made-for-TV status. Believe it or not, though, it’s better than most of its same-name peers. At the very least, it’s way meaner. On-screen evidence of Halloween is still rather faint, much to my own disappointment, but the movie’s basic logline—dares get very out of hand—makes up for that.
The network was already beginning to phase these movies out of its schedule, so it was nice to see them slip in more brutality and graveness towards the end. And Truth or Dare goes right for the throat and any other body parts available for mutilation, making it one of the best Syfy Originals from the downturn.
Truth or Dare plays into your expectations and then some; people play a twisted, unrelenting version of the titular parlor game. And the puppet master, much like in Blumhouse’s 2018 movie of the same name, is supernatural and unseen. The catch, however, is the characters do most of the heavy lifting, as far as violence goes. The entity will sometimes resort to explicit, Final Destination-esque intervening, in order to move the game and story along, but otherwise, Cassie Scerbo, Harvey Guillen and Mason Dye’s characters are their own executioners. This aspect reminded me of a past movie called Kill Theory.
A less desirable part of Truth or Dare is actually a problem I have with a lot of new horror nowadays. I’m talking about that weird impulse to over-explain and deconstruct the situation, almost to the point of demystifying everything. This movie comes close to doing exactly that, as it positions Heather Langenkamp as the lone survivor of a past game as well as the characters’ last hope. Ultimately, their effort is all for naught, but hey, the movie got a cameo from a horror icon.
Truth or Dare crosses the finish line as a gruesome hidden gem that actually had me wincing in certain scenes. (I can’t do teeth stuff in horror, I’m sorry.) I do decry the abrupt, cliffhanger-style ending, even knowing full well there was no other logical way to wrap up this kind of story. Apart from that, though, this one movie made up for the lows in the previous three entries.
Syfy didn’t meet a holiday it couldn’t spoil or stain with blood. And in spite of a general lackluster, their Halloween output was right on the money: indulgent, unhealthy treats I’ll probably regret the next day.
Stay tuned for more Syfy.
Tales from the Paulside 
Leave a comment